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Animal Rights and Wrongs

 

Josh Stern (UNSW) and Eugenie Lumbers (UNSW) Wednesday October 28, 1998 Duke of Edinburgh, Pyrmont

Science in the Pub considers the ethics and moral dilemmas of research involving animals with Dr Josh Stern and Professor Eugenie Lumbers, both from UNSW. To get us warmed up here is a little poem from Josh:

"What's this all about?!" exclaimed the Judge,
"What's this all about?" said he.

"This is really preposterous," he said, "and I haven't got the time!
"This is serious, your Honour, no ruse or pantomime."
"This ruse has no chance, I'm a afraid not a trace!"
"Sir - give me time to explain, these roos have a case..."

"It's simple, Sir, I'm suing you, on behalf of these roos.
(They speak another language, we'll postulate their views.)
The evidence is with them, regardless of their fur,
The evidence is on their side, we'll win the case for sure!"

"That's mad!" said the Judge, "That's mad!" he cried,
"That's mad!" said the Judge, "This case cannot be tried!"

The Judge stayed calm and let out a sigh,
He looked at the counsellor, and smiled rather wry.
He donned is aplomb, and doffed his honour's wig,
"This is very rich, you know, and really rather big.
Even if you have a case - and I'm sure that you do NOT,
You need a *client* sir, and this you haven't got!
One must be the plaintiff, Sir, if you file a suit,
And forgive me, please, but in this case - that would be a beaut!"

The counsellor lost heart and looked sadly at one roo,
But something in the roo's expression said exactly what to do.
"You're telling me, you honour, that this roo can really sue?
How is that possible? He's locked up in a zoo!

He never went to school and he's very bad at maths,
But excels at other things like following winding paths.
He has all kinds of traits which show he's got a mind,
He just can't speak our words, his tongue is in a bind.

So he can't communicate, and he lacks our kind of smarts,
Really, how's that different, Sir, from others 'round these parts?
My point is only this, Sir: He's got a right to hop
From Gundagai to Gunnedah and on to Winjiwop.

Much more than their cages in which they sit and rot,
We owe them all the things that you and I have got.
Our differences are minimal - and anyway - matter not a bit,
They're loving creatures just the same, just lacking heaps of wit."

The judge was getting angry and flustered all at once,
It was bloody obvious, he was looking like a dunce.
"What exactly should we do, let them all go free?
What a lot of silly nonsense, this animal liberty!"

But not to be outdone, Eugenie offers us the following in return:

Some mutterings on man and animals; a perspective?

To be or not to be
A rat or me
That is the question
Whether its is nobler to suffer and sigh
Or by a rat
End our misery.

Of man's inhumanity to man
I will not speak
On the streets of India
Skinny cats scavenge
And fat cows amble
or sleep by the roadside
But babies and children die
Of malaria and mustard oil
See that skinny man
With heaving chest
and bulging eyes
A spittle coated cough
AIDS, TB or both
We need some cures.

Don't pretend!
One day you'll scream
For help
For saline
Penicillin
Insulin
Anything to live.

Lear cried
A rat may live, yet my Cordelia died
Rats and mice come out to play
The antivivsectionists have got their way
No more science!
We won't cure cancer
Or CJD
No more hope
Just despair
At the dying
Lying there.

(with apologies to Shakespeare)

The next poem is by Dr A Stevens, a scientific collaborator of Eugenie's with a poetic bent, who felt he had to put pen to paper on behalf of animal based medical research.

The old man and the pee

The old man tottering down the road
As age accumulated so did his load
He grumbled and complained his lot in life
He was all alone, had a dog* but no wife
Who can help me now I need so many pees
Not only that I've run out of knees
But his friendly orthopod knew of recent research
That would make him perky as a budgie on a perch
They have replaced knees in dogs and sheep
It will reduce the pain and let you sleep
So the old man had his arthritic knee taken away
And a nice shiny steel one replaced the same day
And now he can walk the hills to the sea
But he still has to stop every mile for a pee**

* shows he loves animals
** still plenty of research to do

Dr Josh Stern

currently holds (very tightly in his hands) a recently awarded PhD in Biology from UNSW. He was a Fulbright Scholar from the United States but, having fallen in love with Australia, hopes to reside here. His qualifications are numerous. He is well practised at impersonating a philosopher, and considers himself a highly trained daydreamer. When avoiding research, he plays chess, reads sporadically, invents, and writes poetry and fiction. This is his first appearance speaking to the public.

Eugenie Ruth Lumbers

is Professor of Physiology and Pharmacology at UNSW. Many years ago she decided that medical research was the way she wanted to practice medicine as it offered a way of helping people to health. She may have been foolishly inspired by reading biographies of Pasteur, Curie etc as a child. She is particularly interested in the impact or quality of life that is experienced by the fetus `in utero' because of its potential life long impact. The fetus in utero can be abused by maternal drugs, smoking and alcohol intake but as well may be affected by the `efficiency of those systems that deliver its food and oxygen'. Her work is carried out in experimental animals-the chronically catheterised fetal sheep and from those experiments the researchers working with her study the physiological responses of the fetus to changes in its environment from the level of its brain activity down to changes in gene expression.

SciPub is held the last Wednesday of the month in the Duke of Edinburgh pub, 152 Harris Street, Pyrmont, 2009 from 7-9pm. Telephone (02) 9660 8146. UBD Map ref pg235 P10. Park at Star City if coming by car.

For further information on `Science in the Pub' please contact Robyn Stutchbury on rstutch@ozemail.com.au of Peripatus Productions Pty Limited, 1 Carisbrook Street, Lane Cove 2066, Tel: 02 9427 6747, Fax: 02 9418 9605

Next Science in the Pub session, 25 November 1998

Science in Art - Art in Science.
Joe Wolfe (UNSW) and Richard Taylor (UNSW)

 

 

Science in the Pub™, © 2000. Stutchbury, R, Burton, M.